Step one. Counselling assessment with D.
D is the second counsellor I am trying. She styles herself as counselling encompassing CBT, Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Solution-Focused Therapy. She also offers life coaching as a separate branch to the counselling, but something which can and should in a lot of cases complement it. She is an advocate of the holistic approach which takes into account spirituality, nutrition, yoga, aromatherapy and meditation. I am particularly excited by the holistic aspect, as there is hardly any point taking care of your mind when you have not sorted your body out.
Her initial email to me after a telephone conversation, detailed what she can offer me. She said we would work together to identify challenges, dreams and opportunities in life by assessing and managing my lifestyle with a person-centred approach. Issues she deals with are psychological trauma co-mordities, early childhood, family relations, relationships, identifying thought patterns, and even details such as career leverage and support including finances and wealth/ health cost analyses.
During my counselling assessment session with D, a lot of positive things came out. She emphasised that the goal of the process is to grow and develop the person you are and want to be. Sounds very simple, but it really struck a chord with me.
I had in the past attended a meditation session on the law of attraction, but at the same time so obvious that everyone should be aware of it. This philosophy is that the energy of your thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, attracts like energy in turn. What D believes is very similar – that other people you influence undergo a cognitive shift when your negative behaviour is reinforced, thus becomes a vicious cycle left unmanaged.
Related to this is the Indian concept of karma which in a nutshell is a belief that your behaviour and intentions influence your future. You get what you give. D talked about karma shifts and a Kalma reason and let me have the following information about her use of this theory:
“A Kalma Reason works on the law of Karma Reaction. The theory that everything we do will come back on us and old patterns can be changed by not necessarily following the Kalma Reaction. The theory that everything that what you manifest can be created with positive changes in your life by following the Kalma Reason. With A Kalma Reason Personal Consulting you can enhance, reinvent and recreate a more a personal successful lifestyle by assessing relationships with individuals that have a detrimental effect on our lives. You can change the pattern(s) of a lifetime. With Psychometric Assessment A Kalma Reason has combined plans tailored to suit each individuals own lifestyle and way of living by looking at patterns in their lives and the way that they live, eat and breathe.”
Other topics covered in our meeting were biorhythms and how to access them; SAD and the weather having an effect on mood; support and interventions; and isolating and analysing past examples so as to learn from the mistakes of the past and adopt systems of thought to counteract negativity in everyday situations going forwards. We will hopefully do this at a later therapy session.
I told D a lot about various aspects of my past. She asked me very many questions about my birth, my upbringing and how my parents treated me, whether mine was a happy childhood, and of course what my current problems are.
What I realised, perhaps not for the first time, but it really cements it being able to say it out loud, that my childhood was characterised by being alone a lot of the time, with parents working opposite shifts or at war with one another. I don’t remember a lot of family mealtimes with just the three of us; only on special occasions when a guest was round would we eat around the table and have a relaxed meal. I remember being home alone for an hour every day during weekends and school holidays as there was an overlap between their shifts.
As well as the lack of family feeling (with no other family members or close family friends around on a regular basis), I remember the feeling of having my wings clipped from a very early age, and being told not to express myself if I wanted to play, tease, create or test boundaries. I realise that I never learned the message that it’s OK to be yourself, and felt that I was always trying hard to be what I knew they wanted me to be. I felt like a disappointment from a very early age.
I would often look at other kids and their families with a feeling of envy and the feeling that I was very different from them, too. My parents doled out a lot of religious instruction to me, which wasn’t explained and just had the effect of making me scared and somewhat neurotic as a child, showing tics and odd behaviour.
My relationship with my mother is something that needs exploring at a later date, though we talked a good deal about this during our session. The relationship is one that on the surface might appear to a bystander to be quite normal but causes me a great deal of stress that I guess I keep repressed and occasionally I’ll have a bit of an outburst a short time after being around her.
A few days later, and in preparation for our next session, D proposed a personalised approach taking into account the following themes and concepts:
The R model
• Relationship (s)
With the R model you would be encouraged to identify patterns of thought through knowing yourself through counselling and being supported with ways to gain confidence and ease with overwhelming moods. Together you can overcome this by looking at semantics to gain better understanding. Followed by evaluating what you care should be the starting point.
I’m looking forward to my next session with D which is tomorrow, when we will have an assessment of my suitability and requirements for the Life Coaching side of things, and also my first counselling session with her.