Confused & racked with self-doubt. Good feelings on tap.
My EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) session today went absolutely great and I felt even more relaxed about talking to C, my practitioner. When I walked in the room, I was aware I was giving her a huge smile. Again I felt like my issues had shifted so much since last time. Instead of being all about anger and anxiety, this time it was more about self-esteem and being OK with myself. I feel that it is a very accepting space she has created, one in which I can be myself warts and all.
As part of her practice she records entire sessions and plays them back to herself later as she might miss things during a meeting. She had listened back to my previous recording and had picked up on something. I was talking about my verbal communication with my boyfriend, and I had said something along the lines of “I know I shouldn’t say it”. She read this as self-censorship which was a little jarring for her as she comes from a place where it’s OK to express yourself.
What I meant by that was that I find it difficult sometimes to express myself in the most loving way I can. My ego gets in the way too much. But the difference is, now when I have said something rash, I feel it. I know I have hurt someone, whereas before I was quite insensitive – something I probably set up a long time ago as a coping mechanism.
So the main issues to come out of it were about blaming myself, self-censorship, self-worth issues, self-sabotage, being distrustful of goodness and offerings. I can see how they are all connected, too. This formed the basis for the tapping part of the session, which is I guess around half an hour, after we’d spoken about the issues on my mind and what I needed help with.
An interesting thing she said was that anger, frustration, impatience and other unwanted feelings that people struggle with, are often masks for unresolved wounds that come to the fore when we are feeling small inside. Anger is a life force, an explosion of energy. But it has a root cause, something that preceded it which is sometimes harder to fathom. Anger turned inward has nowhere to go apart from making you feel depressed. It’s important to let the anger out – not by having an angry outburst but by working on yourself, understanding the causes and accepting yourself, and slowly you might actually, physically, feel it leaving you.
The affirmations today were so many again, it felt like a hundred, each one different and new. During the tapping part of the EFT session, I was so zoned out I barely took in the words I was saying. It felt amazing.
I think the meditation breathing that we do right after the talking part, and before the tapping itself, has almost magical calming qualities. I am so incredibly transported while C does taps the meridians, it takes a while to come back to life afterwards. It’s not as if I can feel or sense energy flowing through me – perhaps I don’t know how to do this yet – but it’s more like an overwhelming feeling that everything is alright in the world. It really is the most serene thing you can imagine, kind of like a massage but it’s your own personal emotional issues that are being dealt with and you’re encouraged to talk about them very openly. I also like C’s message that everything is acceptable, in life in general. I find a lot of hope in that. Means I’m not a lost cause.